Four years ago when I used to cast for Wife Swap, I found this awesome family with a pageant daughter. We swapped them with feminist home-schoolers. It was Wife Swap gold! The season premiere!
Casting for reality television is a strange, strange profession. When you find good people, it’s like they are your children. You prep them. You bond with them. You help them figure out their story. And then you release them into the big bad world of possible fame and fortune. (Sometimes your heart breaks a la “Balloon Boy.”) It can also be awkward when they turn on you. Most often they beg and plead to be on TV. They say they will do or say anything you want. (What we really want are people who aren’t afraid to be themselves.) It’s disappointing when they come back and say, “How could do you do that to me? Why did I get a bad edit?!” And you really want to say, “Editors can’t put words in your mouth. Why did you say those things?” I digress.
Alycia wanted to be famous. Period. And now she is. As a prostitute. Oh if only I wasn’t acutely aware that putting things on the Internet is akin to writing in Sharpie….I would projectile word vomit right now. I will say I think this is going to put a dent in her plans to become Miss America.
I have two best friends. The best any girl could ever ask for. Within 48 hours:
Candice had a baby.
Kara’s ex-fiance died.
To say my heart is overwhelmed is an understatement. They say we have 4 chambers, but I’m fairly certain my heart is broken into two distinct pieces. A clean break.
One piece feels so whole it might burst. For the 23 years I’ve known Candice, she’s wanted a baby. She actually convinced herself because she wanted one so badly, she wouldn’t be able to. But now she has a beautiful baby girl, and I smile like a fool when I think about.
The other piece is shattered into a million jagged pieces. Even though Kara and Dani weren’t together anymore, I know the love they had was very real. I witnessed it. I lived it, standing side by side with Kara when things were very good and when things were very bad. And Dani was my friend, too.
It’s all a blur. There was a moment last night when J ran into Yogurtland and I stayed in the car. I was a sobbing, disastrous mess. I was talking to Dani out loud, and my phone rang. It was a Facetime request from Candice and her baby. The minute I saw Rae in her crib, I started crying even harder. I was so happy! And then all of a sudden I lost perspective of why I was crying. And then I cried some more!
I’ve debated how I’m going to talk about them both here. And the truth is, I want to share both. In no particular order, either. So if things seem a little all over the place in the immediate future, it is because I am.
I’m slowly but surely attempting to pick up both pieces and put them back together. Trying to really LIVE in each moment. Feeling the sad and the happy in waves.
So I know I'm a little late to the party, but I just want to clarify. Does this mean if we "legitimately" have sex, we can all just "shut down" and not get pregnant? So now we can all quit the pill and stop using all forms of birth control? Sa-weet! I gotta learn that trick.
Between that guy and finishing Gone Girl over the weekend, I’m gonna pass on my next trip to Missouri.
We have been friends for 23 years. She’s bringing a baby girl into this world. I’m going to be an auntie again. Freaking out does not describe. It’s times like these I turn to my Chilean soul sister, Snookie. She gets it.
I had an introductory appointment today with my new dermatologist, who happens to be a friend & colleague of my dad’s and my mom’s doctor. Before I had a chance to say hello, she laid into me…
"Now, if you are anything like your parents, I know you love the sun…”
No, no certainly not us.
"The first time I met your father (the cardiologist), he told me not to even bother with him about sunscreen because the sun is just part of his ‘lifestyle.’ I told him that was like me telling him cigarettes and steak are just part of my ‘lifestyle.’ He’s one of a kind, but you, I’m not going to give up on…"
Welp. So the real most interesting man in the world gets off, but not me?
"I don’t care how well you tan or how dark your dad is, naturally. Do you know who died of skin cancer?"
S’right. Bob Marley apparently died of skin cancer. WHO KNEW.