Qualifications: Pretty. Youngish. “Actress.” Preferably taller. Able to be a step-mom to 3 children from 2 previous marriages. Ready and willing to give gushing, over-the-top interviews proclaiming your (false) love. Able to stand pretty, smirk awkwardly, and make people believe you are married to a heterosexual. The heterosexualist of all. Otherwise, this is considered a non-speaking gig.
Preferred: From the planet Xenu. If not, those classified as “brain-washable” will be considered.
Terms of Contract: A starting bonus of 15 million dollars. Five million every year thereafter. Negotiable time frame, five year minimum. Kiss your sex life goodbye. Pending your performance as the prettiest, straightest, quietest wife to the most heterosexual bad-ass former heartthrob closeted homosexual nutcase, a generous severance package will be considered.
All inquiries can be sent to: email@example.com
As discussed today in our office kitchen, do you choose….
The guy you are very sexually attracted to. (Arie)
The guy who will worship you. (Chris)
The guy you probably pictured your whole life. (Sean)
The guy you didn’t even know you wanted. (Jef)
I guess the ideal is “all of the above,” but I think those four choices are pretty indicative of real life. I know girls who have chosen one of those options and married that guy. And I think that’s okay for them? The older you get, the more you realize people get married for different reasons. I wouldn’t say I know anyone who straight-up chose to marry someone they didn’t love, but I guess what I’m trying to say is love comes in many different packages. Also, The Bachelorette is so profound.
[Editor’s note: I thought about it. I do know someone who is getting married, and it sure ain’t shit for love. We mutually decided it was best I didn’t attend the wedding. Another post, another time.]
Your reblog made me happier than almost anything. Bachelor(ette) forever.
Aw! It was HYSTERICAL. I sent it to my boss and all the big guys (and gals) at the show. Everyone loved it. Are you liking this season? Next week’s episode is my favorite so far. So much is explained, and I was riveted! I’m such a Jef girl…but then there is Sean…and then there is Arie…and then, sigh. She has such a good crop of guys left, I’m so torn!
“BROADWAY OR BUST,” A THREE-PART PRIMETIME SERIES PREMIERING SEPTEMBER 9, 2012 ON PBS GO BEHIND THE SCENES AS THE NATION’S TOP HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL THEATER STARS COMPETE ON BROADWAY Boston, MA [June 20, 2012] – It’s non-stop drama when 60 of America’s top high school musical theater performers arrive in New York City this summer for an intensive week of “theatrical boot camp” as they vie for a shot at stage stardom in the ultimate national theater competition. The annual event is the subject of the new three-part primetime series, BROADWAY OR BUST, airing Sundays this fall, beginning September 9, 2012 on PBS (check local listings).”—
Latin? Planning to vote in this election? Know someone who is?
My friend, Becky, is producing a segment about Latinos & this election for NBC. If I could be a part of it I would, but my job is a conflict of interest. But I think it’s important! Check it out here, and spread the word!
NBC is producing a town hall for nuvoTV about Latinos and the 2012 election. The special — moderated by NBC News’ Natalie Morales — will focus on the importance of the Latino vote in 2012 and the issues facing Latino voters (economy, healthcare, immigration, etc). They are looking for Latinos who want to do on-camera interviews about their personal stories, the political issues that matter to them, and why their voice matters. They will be filming in Los Angeles and New York the week of June 25th to 30th.
“Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Miracles happen in their own distinct way and even though you can’t design them, it doesn’t mean they aren’t real. Yes, life is going to throw you a curve ball, making you see that what you dream and what you get are bizarrely the same. Sure, it’ll take some imagination to focus on the entire picture properly and understand what’s happening, but once you get it, you won’t want to stop looking.”—
“While female sexuality appears to be more fluid, research suggests that male gayness is an inborn, unalterable, strongly genetically influenced trait. But considering that the trait discourages the type of sex that leads to procreation — that is, sex with women — and would therefore seem to thwart its own chances of being genetically passed on to the next generation, why are there gay men at all? Put differently, why haven’t gay man genes driven themselves extinct?”—