And Channing and company came out in the theater to announce the movie…
But I opted for margaritas and never bought my ticket?
So instead I got to see my Facebook feed blow up with Channing pictures…
Oh hey, funny you should mention! I remember that, too!
PS Arclight Hollywood dome 8:30 showing if you’re curious.
What the fuck. At least I have a killer buzz. Margs dont suck.
Qualifications: Pretty. Youngish. “Actress.” Preferably taller. Able to be a step-mom to 3 children from 2 previous marriages. Ready and willing to give gushing, over-the-top interviews proclaiming your (false) love. Able to stand pretty, smirk awkwardly, and make people believe you are married to a heterosexual. The heterosexualist of all. Otherwise, this is considered a non-speaking gig.
Preferred: From the planet Xenu. If not, those classified as “brain-washable” will be considered.
Terms of Contract: A starting bonus of 15 million dollars. Five million every year thereafter. Negotiable time frame, five year minimum. Kiss your sex life goodbye. Pending your performance as the prettiest, straightest, quietest wife to the most heterosexual bad-ass former heartthrob closeted homosexual nutcase, a generous severance package will be considered.
All inquiries can be sent to: email@example.com
As discussed today in our office kitchen, do you choose….
The guy you are very sexually attracted to. (Arie)
The guy who will worship you. (Chris)
The guy you probably pictured your whole life. (Sean)
The guy you didn’t even know you wanted. (Jef)
I guess the ideal is “all of the above,” but I think those four choices are pretty indicative of real life. I know girls who have chosen one of those options and married that guy. And I think that’s okay for them? The older you get, the more you realize people get married for different reasons. I wouldn’t say I know anyone who straight-up chose to marry someone they didn’t love, but I guess what I’m trying to say is love comes in many different packages. Also, The Bachelorette is so profound.
[Editor’s note: I thought about it. I do know someone who is getting married, and it sure ain’t shit for love. We mutually decided it was best I didn’t attend the wedding. Another post, another time.]
…is one of my very favorite episodes EVER.
Your questions regarding the “scandal” between Arie and my friend, producer Cassie, will be answered.
I love how it plays out. I was RIVETED, and I knew the truth long before…
Do not miss this one!